Distracting oneself from the end of the world as we know it with rumors on a slow day

The former Anne Geddes subject has a new home. - Elsa

My television may portend the future, but there are still, well, no, there aren't even good rumors with which to distract ourselves. The end is nigh. Tanaka hangs in limbo.

When the production team at Sports Night sat around bored out of their minds on the episode "Sally" that aired yesterday afternoon on FXX--for those keeping track at home, that was the episode where Casey had left his shirt at an undisclosed woman's place only to find Dana's boyfriend Gordon wearing it after having stood up Dana the night prior--I had no idea that my television was playing the part of medium, portending my future no more than a day later. Unlike them, though, I don't have just seven hours until games commence, thus magically improving my situation.

There's no informal timer here, a slate of games to save my subjectless ass.

Instead, I get to pore over the day's rumors, trying to make something out of nothing, while being entirely distracted by planning a huge personal event that I won't bore anyone with here and (more importantly) wondering if the programming on my television is in fact portending the future. If so, get ready world. I just watched the whole series of Jericho. We're screwed. Or at least those of us in the 23 cities targeted by Jennings & Rall and the fall-out radius. I can get to San Antonio pretty quick, so hopefully I can help piece back together the United States by way of the Texas government. I'm just glad we'll have the Texas Air Force to escort Skeet into Texas air space with the nuke that implies Jennings & Rall's guilt. The bigger concern, of course, is does this turn of events also mean that Major Dad is done for?  Alas, Gerald, the clock would appear to be ticking. My TV is a damn crystal ball, and I've been watching way too much post-apocalyptic fare for any of us to rest at ease.

So while we reconcile ourselves to a terrible fate that could befall us any day now, let us look idly at the transactional rumors and news of the day in an effort to distract us from our impending doom.

Oh, weird. There are Masahiro Tanaka rumors. Unsurpisingly, the Dodgers are in the mix, per a Mark Saxon article on ESPN Los Angeles. Suffice it to say, if Colletti and the Dodgers get serious, New York may survive the cross-country nuclear attack only to have the sky fall down on them when the Yankees don't sign their man. One could certainly take Stan Kasten at his word in the aforelinked article, but don't his facile assurances reek of exactly what a club official would say if they were trying to improve their bargaining position? If Tanaka values winning as much as he does money, it would be hard to argue that the Dodgers don't give him a better opportunity to win than most of the other teams in the mix. When combining that with the fact that the Dodgers are now playing with house money, it's hard to not see how the Dodgers could swoop in and steal the beau of the ball before the clock strikes, well, you know where that clumsy, clichéd analogy was heading.

20120517_jla_ag9_119Photo credit: Anthony Gruppuso-US PRESSWIRE

According to Sandy Alderson in an Anthony DiComo piece on MLB.com, the Mets are no longer "actively engaged" in trade talks on the Ike Davis front. He then goes on to say, "You can only ask someone to dance so many times before you get the message." Given the phraseology at play here, one can only assume that Alderson is also planning a wedding. Good on ya, Sandy. As for Ike Davis, apparently his suitors didn't want to pony up the dowry to take him as their bride. Despite the fact that his frame would definitely support projections of 80-grade butter-churning abilities and his broad shoulders could definitely carry upwards of ten bucketloads of water from the creek, the Brewers, Orioles, and Pirates apparently don't want to part with as much of their livestock as the Mets are asking for in return.

Richard Justice was dispensing, um, [scratches head, ponders, scratches head, worries about whether he has time to get his family to evacuate to a rally point in rural Western Kansas that somehow looks more like mountainous California than any place in Kansas, got it] justice on Twitter. Oh. Grrr. [Punches himself in the leg, injuring himself badly.] Really, check his Twitter feed from today, if you want to see a guy who was an beat writer before Sabermetrics took hold actually caring enough to learn and then doling out knowledge and sound opinions like he was Jim DeRogatis and Greg Kot.

Oh, an A-Rod suspension story! Next.

And finally apparently everyone forgot to look at their Anne Geddes' Baby Cherub of the Day Calendar. Well everyone but the Rays and Nationals. Good job, guys. If everyone else had been paying attention, they, too, would have signed a utility infielder to a minor-league deal. At least, Jayson Nix (Ken Burns Rosenthal) and Jamey Carroll (C+C Rumor Factory)have a place to report to in a few weeks.

Sadly this is all just a distraction. The programming shown on my upstairs television is portending the future. We are decidedly doomed.

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