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The Kielbasa Caper: Italian Sausage kidnapped, returned lightly (a-)salted

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Guido, the famed Racing Italian Sausage of Miller Park, was stolen and taken for a joy-wear(?) to bars in a small Wisconsin town two weeks ago. Two masked men returned the missing link mostly unharmed (and uneaten) yesterday. You really can't make this stuff up.

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Jonathan Daniel

File this one down under articles that I really I wish I could be assigned to write:

Guido, the Klement's racing Italian sausage costume last seen a couple weeks ago adorning a bar hopper in Cedarburg, was returned Wednesday night after a day of media focus.

The hot sausage reportedly was dropped off at TJ Ryan's bar in Cedarburg.

Two men - one wearing a hoodie pulled tight over his face - lugged the larger-than-life link into the bar just before 8 p.m. Wednesday, plopped him on a bar stool and warned staff, "You did not see anything," said bartender Jen Mohney.

"Like I didn't just see two guys plop a sausage on a bar stool," Mohney said.

It's not quite up there with this article, in terms of scale, but it's still got just the right amount of WTF. I love how the writer sort of takes credit for its return with the "after a day of media focus" line.

One wonders how long it'll be before the police bring Randall Simon* back in for questioning...

There's a good Silence of the Lambs joke here, but I'm totally missing it...

I could spend the rest of this post grilling you with sausage puns -- lord knows I relish some good wordplay -- but I'd rather not mince words -- it's the wurst! -- so I'll just be frank instead. OK, I'm done now.

*Type in "sausage" as your search query at Baseball-Reference.com. Now try bad words. You're welcome.

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