There was a man in the land of Cincinnati whose name was Homer Bailey. And that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God and eschewed evil. Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord and Satan came also among them. And the Lord said unto Satan, “Have you considered my servant Homer Bailey? There is none like him in the earth, a perfect and upright right-handed pitcher. And one that fears God and eschews evil.”
And Satan answered the Lord, and said, “Does Homer fear God for naught? Thou hast blessed the work of his arm and his substance is increased with a six-year $105 million contract signed in 2014. Put forth thine hand now, and touch his elbow, and he will curse thee to thy face.”
So the Lord said unto Satan, “Behold, all that he hath is in thy power.” So Satan went forth from the presence of the Lord.
One day, in the middle of a strong 2014 campaign, Homer Bailey came down with a strained flexor tendon and was placed on the disabled list. Soon, the Reds transferred Bailey to the 60-day disabled list. He would require surgery to fix the tendon in his forearm. He still debuted in April in 2015, but lasted only two starts before returning to the disabled list and undergoing Tommy John surgery.
Then Bailey arose, and tore his uniform, shaved his head and fell upon the ground, and said, “Naked I came out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” In all this Bailey sinned not, nor charged God foolishly. His teammates were confused as to why he was laying on the ground naked.
Then again Satan came before the Lord and said, “Ok, that didn’t work. How about I hurt him some more?” And God said, “Go for it.”
Bailey worked steadily to recover, finally returning to action in July and August of 2016. Alas, he could only make six starts, and posted an ugly 6.65 ERA with some reduced velocity. He developed bicep tendonitis and was shut down for the season in September.
Homer’s teammates said, “Dude, you’re, like, cursed or something.” And Bailey said, “What? You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life.” In all this did not Homer sin with his lips.
Then did Satan come back before the Lord again, because dude can’t take a hint. He said, “God, I know can get him to yell at you.” And God said, “Whatever dude, do what you want. I’m tired of this.”
And so now, more bad news did befall the 31 year old righty, conveyed here by Zach Buchanan of the Cinncinati Enquirer,
Breaking: Homer Bailey had surgery to remove bone spurs in elbow. Shut down 4-6 weeks. Will likely start season on DL.— Zach Buchanan (@ZachENQ) February 8, 2017
Reached for comment, Homer Bailey did say, “Really? Again? I mean, seriously, God? C’mon!” We reached out to the Almighty for comment, but He has chosen not to respond.