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Noah Syndergaard to the DL with hand, foot and mouth disease

#NotTheOnion.

MLB: New York Mets at New York Yankees Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports

Less than two weeks after coming back from the disabled list, Thor is taking another trip to the DL, but this time for a significantly less common baseball issue: hand, foot and mouth disease. I swear this is not a satire article, but at this point it’s a coin toss with the Mets.

The viral disease is mild and typically found in young children, however it’s highly contagious. The disease is spread by skin contact with saliva or mucus and manifests in the form of sores around the mouth and rashes and blisters on the hands and feet. Syndergaard spent the All-Star break volunteering at a children’s camp, proving that no good deed goes unpunished, especially if you’re on the Mets roster.

The 25-year old allowed just one run in his return to baseball on Friday, but lasted only five innings with noticeably lower velocity. His fastball had dropped to 96 mph, two mph lower than his current season average and he left the game looking visibly exhausted.

The silver lining here for the Mets? Unlike the apparent calcification in Yoenis Cespedes’ ankles, Syndergaard’s ailment clears up on its own over a period of ten days. Medication is usually given to ease any pain or discomfort, but other than that it does not require significant treatment. Exhale.

Meanwhile, the Wilpons are suffering from a severe case of foot-in-mouth disease and unfortunately the condition is chronic. The feels like they’re making all of their trade deadline choices after asking a magic 8-ball. Trading Jeurys Familia, who has previously done his time in an ethically gray area but, one of the best closers to come out of Queens, for a 17th-ranked and unranked prospect to Oakland is a mindless move. But it’s okay everyone, because they also received $1M in international pool money, which is a sad amount of pocket change for a marquee player who could garner a much bigger return closer to July 31st. They’re saving $3M on Familia’s salary, so hooray for Extreme Couponing, Mets Edition.

TL; DR Syndergaard’s hand, foot and mouth disease is probably the least gruesome thing happening at Citi Field right now.